Last week, I shared the beginning of my alternative timeline WIP "Virgo." Sam and Delilah are at a condemned building where they have organized a flash rave (flash mob + DJ = instant dance party). The message that Sam posted to her FaceSpace wall told the crowd she would go on at 11:14. She is watching Adam (aka AMG) from the balcony above the booth.
Delilah needed to feel the whole room to work…the other DJ’s style, the crowd’s energy, and a dozen other factors Sam took for granted. Among them, Adam had concerned him the most. He had come off a SoCal 7-n-7 sleep deprived and sugar high before a security incident at LAX turned a six-hour flight into sixteen. But Sam’s worry was unfounded; the man was on time, and his As Tears Go By remix impressed her. Just like that, her smile was gone again. She reached up and grabbed the rail, pulled herself up to her feet and disappeared into a dark stairwell.7-n-7 = seven raves in seven days
Writers! Participation in SSS is straightforward. Submit a link to the host site between 6:00 pm Tuesday and 11:59 pm on Saturday. Post a six sentence excerpt on your blog by 9 am Eastern (US) on Sunday.
Ohh I want to read more. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteLove the lingo and I'm still intrigued with Delilah -- I want to know exactly what she can do . . .
ReplyDeleteThis is deep. Delilah has a lot of thought going on here. Sounds like you have a really well developed story here. :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat glimpse into a world I know next to nothing about, intriguing!
ReplyDeleteI'm a little confused by some of the pronouns (probably because we were dropped into a scene). But you handle the lingo really well and you're doing a great job of setting up the scene. (Where did she go? Why?)
ReplyDeleteWow, I learned a lot in six sentences! I'm an old fart though and we never had them fancy 7 n 7's or flash raves in my day. LOL
ReplyDeleteGreat six! The scene is set so vividly!
ReplyDeleteAmy Durham
Like Stephanie, I got a little lost in the pronouns. But the snippet definitely left me interested in this situation and how it's going to play out. I'll follow along from now on.
ReplyDeleteGreat insight into her character. I got a little lost at first too, had to read it a few times to get what was happening. I definitely wanted to be able to read more. A great snippet.
ReplyDeleteGeneration gap here, too-but I can definitely connect with the security incident!
ReplyDeleteFantastic, authentic world-building. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI like the picture you painted of the rave. I can definitely relate to a flight turning much longer, after a surprise middle of the night landing in Vienna when an elderly passenger got sick on our way back home!
ReplyDeleteInteresting six! I enjoyed how you set the scene and it left me wanting more.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I am totally honored to have made your list. Thank you! Second, I love your set-up here. I'd love to know what made her stop smiling at the end, and the line about the flight was funny! ;c)
ReplyDeleteThis pacing in this is terrific. Makes me tense with her, yet I can feel the hum of the scene. Nice!
ReplyDeleteExcellent work, Wendy--love the insight into this world I know next to nothing about (all right, nothing). The tension builds steadily, and the setting for both character and scene is done with very few words, yet it comes through and flaps wings, alive. Great job, and thanks for sharing!
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