Saturday Snark

It's Saturday!  That means it's Snark time! (I love Marie Sexton for this.)

Backstory: Siilan and Mitero are knights embedded with a Robin-Hooding crime family in their kingdom's capital city.  Pippy is the boss's 12-year-old son. A crucial part of the knights' assignment is to blend in.  While his sociable gay friend was carousing at a party, 30-something virgin Siilan drowned his annoyance at his friend's promiscuity in a bottle of wine. The next day, with Mitero nowhere to be found, he dragged his sorry hungover carcass to a meeting with the palace official he answers to. At the beginning of this excerpt, Pippy knows Siilan's condition and welcomes him home by screaming at the top of his lungs.


Pippy sprinted down to the end of the hallway, threw open the door to the closet, and ducked inside.  Siilan fell against the door as it slammed shut, turned and slid down to the floor. He yelled at the boy through the door, “I’m going to make you wish you were never born!”

The door Siilan’s right opened slowly. He looked up and saw Mitero, washed and dressed, looking ready to go out. “Cut him some slack, Siil.”

He stood up by pushing his weight up against the door and walking backwards. When he reached his feet, he grabbed his well-groomed friend by the collar and pulled him to his face.  “Where have you been?” he hissed.

Mitero pushed him away.  “Your hangover…your problem.” Siilan glared at him, but just walked away. “Why don’t you find a nice girl and pay her before you lose your mind.”

“What would you know about that, Mitzy?” he called back.  “The only person who ever understood me was Jiadé and she’s fucking dead! And you know what really, really sucks about that? Huh?”

“Other than the fact that she’s dead?” Mitero asked, clearly at a loss.  Siilan spun around to find the man right behind him.

“The Virgin Knight had sex before me!” he spat. “The Virgin Knight!”

“With Anyakar,” Mitero reminded him, clearly disgusted.

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